IT MUST BE A GIRL THING
They spend too much time in there. Ever since I was a little boy I can remember them spending hours and hours at a time in there. What is it that takes them so long? First they brush their hair. Then they plug in the hot curlers. And then out comes the hair dryer. They spend more time in there in one day then men do all week. What is it that takes them so long? Oh here it comes, here comes that funny thing they use on their eyelashes. What is its purpose anyway? There she goes plucking out her eyebrows. Could that be what takes them so long? What's the purpose of plucking out your eyebrows if you're only going to paint another one on? Hurry up dear and let me in. I only need a minute or two. I'm not as slow as you. What is taking you so long? Three cups of coffee, and an hour and a half later. Out she comes. She's just as beautiful as the night before. But honey, before you kiss me. Please brush your teeth once more. What the heck took you so long? Well, it's finely my turn in there. I brush my teeth I comb my hair. Honey give me just five minutes more, I need to shave my face. Damn, will you look at that, a brand new gray hair? That's what all of this waiting is giving me. Honey, I am all finished now. See that didn't take me very long. I am in and then I am out, all within fifteen minutes. Why do they make it look so hard? Wait, she is going back in there again. She has one eyebrow just a little bit crooked. Thank goodness, I'm not one of them. I would never want to spend that much time in one place. An hour and a half, in just one place would be too damn long. Honey, I love you with all my heart, but as beautiful as you are, I can't understand why you must do all of those silly things. And the faces that you make every time you curl your eyelashes just makes me want to laugh. Please tell me once again why does it that takes you so long? Goodbye honey, I've got to go. I'm on my way to work. I know you may be a little bit late because you are so slow. I'll see you tonight when I get home. I'll kiss you goodnight and tell you that I love you all over again. And come tomorrow morning, I will wait patiently in line all over again. I'll wait in line for an hour and a half long again. Three cups of coffee and an hour and a half later I will patiently wait my turn. I'll brush my teeth; I'll comb my hair. I'll even shave my face. Then fifteen minutes later I will be on my way. All is over, and all is done. And all I have left to say honey, is what the heck takes you so damn long.
1/30/00 12:08 PM Kenneth Murel Crum Jr (c)